Thinking About Dating a Married Man, Think Again
Exactly what are the challenges of dating a married man? It is the type of question that you have to seriously ask yourself exactly why you are even taking into consideration, answering such a question, to begin with.
It is a question of an existentialist undertaking; yes it is that grave of a matter to consider, because if you really think about what you are giving up to be with a married man to begin with, you can’t truly do such without questioning why you’re even involved in a relationship with anyone.
You’ll read many, many, articles on the subject from single women and their own personal experiences, some good, some great and others that have only existed in some chasm of denial. Perhaps even some articles from married women who wouldn’t want to see someone else in those shoes, perhaps out of fear of that being their husband as the one in question, others because they know exactly what those women are getting into because they did it themselves before they met the one for themselves. Perhaps a married man has some thoughts on the subject; after all it’s good to hear both sides of a great story.
If you are thinking about being with a married man you may want to redefine traditional notions of what dating are, because quite honestly, unless that man is committed to carrying out a deliberate lie, one in which he can convince himself of believing pathologically, that he is truly in a relationship with you, it is pertinent that one becomes accustomed to digressing towards the idea that dating is rarely a mutual decision, but one in which the married man is attempting to arrange his social calendar in a way that so-called “dates”, do not interfere with his regular routine.
This is OK in the beginning, but may get in the way of the spontaneity and freedom that comes with being able to be seen out in public, to date freely, to perhaps hang out or spend the night, just to wake up in the morning and rush back to work, or call off. From the beginning, unless the man is really up to the challenge of creating the atmosphere with you, which can mirror the freedom that he, has with his wife, it isn’t worth your time.
At first your friendship with this guy seems rather inviting, intoxicating even. The fact that he has a routine and is accountable to someone else leaves you plenty of free time to pursue your own social life, which he rarely complains about (I mean how hypocritical is that), and for the most part is OK with. In fact, if he is really, truly content and secure with the way things are he’s actually listening to you talk about your other relationships and encouraging you to pursue them; I mean how could he, particularly when he has his own, everyone needs to be happy.
Yet just being there and having someone to talk to so freely is only what lies the foundation for yet another relationship to evolve; one between you and him. It’s only a matter of time before all of the innocent conversations and flirting and body language leads to one or the other person suggesting that things may go a bit further. Or, perhaps he simply approached you outright, and didn’t offer to disclose that he was married unless you asked him.
Perhaps you’re not going to actively date him at first, which is probably the case in the aforementioned scenario where the relationship evolved out of a nice friendship between the two of you. If you’re spending time with him everything is OK, unless that time involves situations where it’s just you and him, without anyone else knowing; conversations between the two of you that used to occur over lunch or through email are not occurring in your car, or at your apartment. There aren’t any problems or real issues until the conversation stops, or perhaps it moves towards subject matter that is more sexual or personal in nature.
Either you or him are asking questions, and you’re both openly challenging the true reasons of why the two of you are spending so much time together, enjoying stolen moments, in the first place. In the other scenario; he’s already won you over and you two are quite physical, but he always has to leave, is checking his cell phone for text messages or listening to his voice mail.
You can’t do what it is you would like to do when you need to do it. Your emotions are suspended; what was fun at first has turned into somewhat of a tourist trap, you can’t get out of the relationship with the ease in which you fell into it, and you’re stuck in a big city where everyone is going on about their business and you’re just lost. Lost in being the intermediary between him and the problems he has with his wife.
Why can’t he talk to his wife, get her to do the things that he needs to do with her as freely as he does with you? You’ve seen her; she isn’t ugly, undesirable and is quite easy to get along with. You’ve hung out with her and would like to desperately tell her what is going on, if not but to clear your own conscious, but can’t because she’s a nice person and doesn’t deserve to have her life and the fantasy of her marriage uprooted in that way; if anyone is to do that it should be him.
She’s is and isn’t what he said that she was, and though initially, you thought it would be a great way to become more of a part of his world and strengthen the tie that you have with him to see more of his own life that he claims to be getting away from with you; perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to find out for yourself what that entailed. If fact, she seems rather open to suggestion and quite liberated, which just isn’t what you expected at all.
No one can tell you whether or not to date a married man. It is easy to hate that other woman, but it takes two to play the cheating game, and if she is well aware of what it is that she is doing she may truly be in the dark as to the extent of which it is being done. On some level she may actually think that she is loved, and he may indeed care for her, but he isn’t serious about leaving his wife for her or giving the relationship with her the attention and respect that it needs to be worth her time.
Then again he could be a womanizer and a manipulator and may not care for anyone but himself; at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. The time and energy you’ve wasted could have been spent elsewhere, and he is just one more man that stood in-between you and your true destiny with the man that you were meant to be with. Then again he may have brought you that much closer to finding such a person, as you were forced to live what is a lifetime in a relationship, in just a rather short amount of time…