Relationship Conflicts – How to Argue With Your Man
Did you know women talk three times as much as men? Yup, we use three times as many words, creating that additional “volume” of chatting. That’s just how women are wired.
Men are really much simpler than we are. They say what they have to say, and then it’s over. Not much word mincing or beating around the bush. Or, the other method is silence, saying nothing and walking away.
Women – we have to know WHY. We want to fix things. We NEED to understand. We want CLOSURE on every issue. To men, this can be exhausting and hideously painful.
I bring this up because I have seen women continue to hound a guy about an issue like beating a dead horse. It’s a tough analogy but it is very true. Once women get on a roll about something, watch out, because there may be no end in sight. You know it’s true.
Heck, I’ve been guilty of the very same thing. I’m a woman too, so I know all too well from my own personal experience. However, this doesn’t go over well with the men. And I’m sad to say that I’ve seen this type of communication issue put a rift, a chasm so deep in a relationship that it can be hard to come back from.
So what are you supposed to do? Things need to be discussed. How can you get your point across and understand his thoughts if you can’t talk about it until you feel satisfied?
Here are a few things I’ve learned that can make a big difference in trying to talk about an issue and work things out:
1. You Have 15-Minutes
Men can only take so much deep conversation at a time. Do your best not to exceed 15 minutes, because that’s the maximum likely attention span. After that, and sometimes even before, your man will likely just tune out. Yes, shut you down so that to him, you sound like Charlie Brown’s parents on a cartoon TV special.
If you still have more to say, bring it up again later.
2. Make Your Point Fast
Since the crucial attention span will be brief – MAKE YOUR POINT QUICKLY. Think about what you want to say and get to it. Be succinct and don’t rattle on. Don’t beat around the bush or hedge your bets either. Just spit it out, so he can know what’s on your mind and hopefully address it.
3. Don’t Start with, “We need to talk”
That only works on TV and in the movies. Those three words are the surest way to get him to tune out before you start.
4. Minimize Tears
I know you’re going to cry. But, it may mess up the communication because he’ll start feeling so bad, he’ll say anything to get you to stop. You might think that’s a good thing, but it’s not. Because that means he committed to something he probably won’t follow through on just to get you to stop. I’m not saying you can’t cry, but keep it to a minimum if at all possible.
5. Fight Fair
Don’t bring up everything he ever did. Stick to the immediate issue and leave the kitchen sink in the kitchen if you know what I mean.
6. Don’t Overdo It
If you bring up something every time you see him, you will no longer be a fun, happy person who makes him feel good. That’s how men choose the women they want to be with. You make him feel good. So, don’t blow it. If you have a tremendous amount of criticism, he might not be the right man. Or you might have unreasonable expectations. Think about it and look closely at your complaints. How important are they?
7. Remember What’s Good
Sometimes the best thing you can do is start thinking about what’s good about your man. Remember why you love him and what you do appreciate about him. Making a list of what is good can help you stop the criticism train before it leaves the station.
To enjoy your relationship, ask yourself, “How important is this issue?” If it’s a top priority, by all means, bring it up. But if you can work around it, you can enjoy another fun date night with your man which is so much better than arguing.