Relationship Advice – Would Your Partner Lie to You?
Relationships are meant to be based on a cornerstone of honesty… among other things. We are supposed to be able to trust our partner more than anyone else in our life. But what happens when they betray that trust? What happens when you discover your kindred spirit, your soul mate, has lied to you?
Lies can be a very destructive factor in a relationship. Depending on the severity of the lie, sometimes the relationship is not able to recover from it. Even if both parties agree the issue is resolved, there could still be hurt and disappointed feelings lingering around for many years to come.
At some point, almost everyone has told a “little white lie” to their partner. It could be to hide a surprise party or to disguise a gift they were giving. But when the lie is much darker, it quickly takes an ugly turn and most people are not willing to let it go so easily. So what do you do?
1. The first thing to remember is to remain calm. Becoming furious is only going to make matters worse. It is normal to be hurt: just wait before you show your true reaction.
2. You also need to verify the situation. If there is someone who can confirm, or deny it; then talk to them. Do this before you talk to your partner or confront them. You could have your details wrong and confronting them falsely will not go over well at all.
If they did lie, then you need to sit down with your partner and point-blank ask them why. If they deny it, you now have a reliable source who can back you up. If they admit to it, then this eliminates a lot of hurt and anger that would erupt from arguing their guilt or innocence.
3. The key to your confrontation is how your partner reacts:
are they genuinely remorseful?
are they smug or arrogant?
do they try to blow it off as much less than it really is?
This means a lot and will determine whether or not your level of trust in them has been reduced, and whether trust can fully return.
If they are truly sorry, and the issue is not severe, then forgive them. You will know if their admission is genuine. But if it is a serious matter such as cheating, then you need to take a good close look at the relationship and decide if you are really willing to give them another chance.