Hooked But Searching, The Modern Day Lifestyle
There is a common saying of being single but searching which now seems to quickly be overtaken by times. Majority of men and women are in relationships but the relationships do not seem to deter them from dating outside or searching more. Surprisingly, many people before entering relationships vow to stick like glue and have their eyes only on their significant others when they get them.
The situation however quickly changes when singles land in a relationship. The first few days of the relationship are bliss-filled and both cannot leave each other’s side. They find them exciting, interesting, funny and nice company. They are also free to do any and everything with them until the passion starts waning. For the passion to wane, the relationship does not need to last couple of years, a few months is all it takes.
The couple keeps together but their interests start spreading as they diversify. Deep down them, they have mental security that they are in a relationship and all they are looking for is a side-kick that if it does not yield there is no harm since their main relationship still exists.
Psychologists say that it is easier for someone in a relationship to get hooked than someone not in one. This is made possible by the hormone oxytocin which is associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people. Oxytocin is released in response to intense emotional states in addition to physical cues hence the more time you take with people, frequent dating, the cues develop and attraction emanates.
Also people in relationships exhibit high levels of confidence in their personality which makes them more attractive. In a group of ladies, those in stable relationships will be easily approached as opposed to the single ones. The single ones subconsciously exhibit characteristics portraying them as rebellious, repellant, boring or shy which make them less interesting or exciting. But once these singles hook-up, they never relent to make up for the lost time. They will indiscriminately date anyone who comes their way in a bid to prove to themselves that they are as good as anyone.
Do serial daters ever consider their partner’s feelings? Joelene had been single for most of her active life. In school, she could not understand why all her friends were receiving letters from boys and others dating yet no one showed interest in her. After school she briefly hooked with someone but did not last long. Ever since, she was involved in quick successive relationships which did not add value to her.
Surprisingly, all the guys she dated did not march up, may be because she just took what came her way, needless to say, very little came any-way. During her higher training, the same trend continued and she didn’t understand why she repelled all men even when she made the move herself.
When she eventually landed a meaningful relationship, she devoted her all and others started creating interest in her, oxytocin was being produced. To make up for lost time, she never let chances slip-by her. Her relationship was constantly strained and was always on the meant-line. Immediately things were sorted out, she would go back to her ways of flirting and dating. Is this a phenomenon that can change anytime soon?
Men are not any better. Justine was a humble man. To say he feared ladies would be an understatement; he never dated nor imbibed. Many years after leaving college, somehow he landed himself a wife. The wife prided herself as the luckiest to get such a na?�ve man but little did she know that it’s a very big mistake to take a villager to the city because the villagehood wont leave the villager. Soon Justine gained courage, brushed away his shyness and became the ladies favorite. He would go out with any lady who showed interest and it wasn’t just one, numerous. He spent and dined with them to the extent his wife and kids could barely remember the last time they had dinner together.
Today, with three kids and responsibilities to take care of, Justine’s wife cannot understand why her husband cannot realize that she is getting hurt. She wonders, does she have to cheat on her man to bring him home?
Why are many people not willing to safeguard their relationships by respecting their significant others? Is it so difficult to say no to advances from someone for the sake of the person you are with? Isn’t it more humane to release your spouse from the relationship so that you can adventure freely?
Though difficult to adopt, I would advice all people with hot blood not to commit themselves to others but alternatively just live as serial daters or players. It would save many hearts if they knew that the people they are with are not there to stay but just for a season and a reason, a short liaison, a no strings thing.
Every day in our local FM Radio stations, we hear people boasting of how well they can cheat without getting caught. This is just a believe which in the same stations is proved wrong since their spouses also tell how they discovered and countered the same by doing a similar or better game. With the changing trends and desire for quick fun and excitement while still maintaining our relationships for security, people are looking yonder and picking fruits from gardens tendered by others.
Consciousness and reality can only be drawn by examining our senses and self-conscious and fitting ourselves in the shoes of our partners. Imagine it was you on the receiving end of the game? Wake up, open your eyes, when the side-kick is over and done with, your assumedly secure relationship may be no more and you will be forced to go back to the drawing board which may not be an easy task.
Are cheaters born or do certain situations cause people to cheat? Probably a little bit of both and here’s why.
1. Bored – This is the most common reason why people cheat. It’s tough to keep that edge throughout a relationship. Relationship is like a development cycle and after a grand start, reality later checks in. When you meet someone else, that inaugural excitement of a new relationship kicks back in.
2. Dependence – At first glance, cheating seems like independent behavior. But arguably, cheating is a dependent behavior. A cheater is dependent because they are not strong enough to break up with their significant other in order to get with the new person.
3. Confusion – Sometimes a particular situation can get to you. When the perfect storm of confusion is going on in your head, you make mistakes hence may find yourself in another person’s arms.
4. Because They Let You – Forgiving a cheater is putting up with it, and starts a vicious cycle. That person who cheated may lose respect for you and might continue to cheat-because they know they can get away with it, because you’ll continue to take them back.
5. Nurturing – If someone is mistreating you, the first instinct is to get away. But it may not be that simple hence you feel trapped in a bad relationship, you will then run to the open arms of a person who treats you well.
6. Revenge – An eye for an eye. Cheat on them if they cheat on you.
7. Confirmation of Attractiveness – Sometimes when you’re in a long relationship, or if your significant other is taking you for granted, you begin to wonder if you’re still attractive. If you have an affair, you’ve proven that a new person can be attracted to you.
8. The Thrill – Some people just enjoy the thrill of cheating: running around secretly, risking getting caught, and creating thrilling moments with a forbidden romance.
9. They Don’t Consider It Cheating, Even Though You Might – Relationships have that grey area, usually right before you become exclusive. He thinks xyz is when you’re together, and you think abc is when you’re together. If you haven’t talked about exclusivity, someone may think they are well within their rights to see other people, even though the other person in the relationship may not.
I don’t understand why people don’t break up as soon as they have an urge to cheat. Is it natural to have temptation, is temptation a sign that the relationship is losing its fire or is temptation okay and yielding the sin? If you’ve ever cheated, why did you do it? Could you forgive a cheater? If you are single, but seeing a person who is in a committed relationship, does that make you a cheater? The list is endless.