Fear of Commitment – What to Do If He (or She) Won’t Commit in a Relationship
If you are dating a man who won’t commit either to be a boyfriend or in the case he has been a long time boyfriend who won’t commit to marriage, what do you do? This could also be the case with a girlfriend too who won’t commit. There are many reasons a man (or woman) won’t commit. For example, it could be that he has been severely hurt before. At times he will ask for “space” or be argumentative. In fact, he is protecting himself from further hurt, the more intimate the relationship becomes.
At the same time, any woman may begin to ask, “what is wrong with me?” She may start to feel hurt and confused. The relationship may enter a phase where mixed messages from both the man and the woman enter into the exchange of communication. Both the man and the woman may begin to wonder what is really going on. You start to ask, ” Why won’t he commit past a certain point? Why won’t he become a steady boyfriend? Or, why won’t he marry me?”.
As a woman, you have to decide how much longer you are willing to wait. You could try counseling if he would agree to it. Or perhaps he is a person who will not commit to your relationship for a variety of reasons. Months and even years might pass by if you feel you must know why he (or she) won’t commit. As human beings, we have a need to know and to understand. It makes things clearer and more concise for us. But relationships often don’t follow these rules. In this situation, you may be telling yourself, “If I only knew the real reason behind his unwillingness to commit, maybe I could fix this problem”. Or maybe if you knew the “real reason”, you might be willing to wait longer for the commitment you want.
However, I am of the adage or belief that if you let something go and it comes back to it was meant to be. If you are in a relationship like this, sooner or later you will get to the point where you will be better off telling him, “I’m sorry, I just can’t wait any longer for a commitment from you, Donna and I are going out Friday night with a couple of guys she knows who want to double date”. If he realizes that you mean it, he might respond by saying, “Oh no, don’t do that, let’s go somewhere…”, then you can tell him that you are taking this as a commitment from him. Otherwise, he has to let you go so you can date other people. At this point, you have to be ready to move on.
You may find out that he won’t pursue you and then you will have your answer about his real willingness to commit to you. And you can believe this to be true, he will try to get back together with you if he really wants to do so. Even though you may really care about him, you do not want to be in a one-sided relationship that eventually ends in a disaster with you getting badly hurt. It is much better to find out long before it gets to that point. You preserve your dignity and your self-esteem. I guarantee you that you will also be much more self-confident if you set your own standards in your relationships. Men will be more attracted to you as well.